He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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