college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
