You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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