google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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