and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
