So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
