I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
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