I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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