I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
