Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize