This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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