she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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