I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
