I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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