He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
