I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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