your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
