u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
