Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize