I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We just shotgunned beers for America
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm like, not good at living.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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