I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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