i need an iv and a liver transplant
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
