He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize