The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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