Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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