He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
