note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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