I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
