I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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