Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
