Apparently you make a good broom.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
