Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
