you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
