Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
