Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
