He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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