don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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