Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
