i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
