i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
