Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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