I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
