your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
