come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
