new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
