I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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