That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
