I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
