Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
