I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
