Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
