the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
