Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
