i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
