I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
