you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
