I cut my penus on the lid.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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