I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
