like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize