Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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