UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
