It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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