All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
