hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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