Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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