Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
