woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
