his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
