did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
