Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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