24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
being pregnant is like rehab
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
