I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
