im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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