his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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