Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
