You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize