Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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