Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
