My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
