My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
