Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
