So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
