well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
