I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
