i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
