You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
